EDIT – since posting this, my friend has also put up a post about it on her Facebook. Link is at the bottom should you want to show her some love xx
Today on social media I got into a very heated discussion on a fellow authors post and it put me in such an irritated mood I literally had to vent to my closest friends. Now I am not one to take to any form of social media to have a personal rant, but this one time I feel it is justified. I was still brimming an hour later and decided that I wanted to vent a bit more publicly. I just need to properly get this out before I self implode and apologise in advance for what you are about to endure LOL.
Hold onto your hats lovelies – A Leanne rant ensues!
See this was not just some grievance on a post that could have been ignored. This was about a male mindset and how he was oblivious to how he has been brainwashed into thinking it was acceptable. That men have a right to treat women in any way they desire and that somehow , we ask for it.
Last time I checked I didn’t see a topless guy on Facebook and felt like I had the right to send him a picture of my Lady Garden in full throes, because being topless – he clearly asked for it.
I wont put up names or any of the such, so please do not ask me. That is not the point of this post. The point is how common this crap is and how common this man’s pathetic victim shaming is.
I write about sexual harassment every single time pen touches paper of a Carrero book, its embroiled in the pages and characters….because they are women. That is a sad every day fact. Yes, I know men also deal with the same issues, trust me its never right on either side and using the ‘it happens to men too’ does not justify the action AT ALL. EVER!. Not being a man, I cannot comment on the sort of messages or treatment they get, but even I know that the ratio of this kind of things tips heavily onto our side. Every single girl on the planet by the age of 21 will have experienced sexual harassment, levels of minor sexual assault, and sometimes full blown assault. The same is not said of men. Just look at the #metoo campaign if you have any doubts.
So what happened? I hear you ask.
A fellow author received pretty disgusting, sexually focused private messages in which a male continued to harass her for intimate details and lewd chat. Even after telling him repeatedly she was not going to give him those responses. He was told NO. Something I can assure you that every female on social media has endured. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
The lady was venting, and showing the messages she received. As we all do. While the majority of commenter’s were equally disgusted, one man pretty much pointed out in a more diplomatic and ‘shrouded in nice guy’ way – that she shouldn’t complain as she asked for it and should expect it. That because she sometimes post provocative share posts and writes books with sexual content, that she neither had the right to be ‘shocked’ or ‘disgusted’ by it, ‘she shouldn’t put out bait if she didn’t want to catch fish’ – his words.
Yeah classy guy – right?
This is the page of a well known erotica writer who tailors her posts for her female readership. (no idea why the creepy guy felt he had a foot to stand on then) I myself am an avid follower and fan and have never seen any content on her page which warranted any direct messages asking her for personal details on sexual acts. She occasionally shares posts from funny feminist pages and sexy pages – this is not justification to be personally targeted.
His opinion was that because she writes about sexual content, it tells him she is horny 24/7 and asks for it. He seems to confuse the fact on a few things here.
1 – Sharing posts is not ‘asking for anything’. That means most women in the world are also asking for the same thing as the posts she shares are usually viral images.
2 – He has no concept that her characters are not her – they are fictional beings with their own desires and sex lives and in no way reflect the author’s own life. You know, like mine are and I don’t appreciate getting the same messages because Jake and Emma bang a lot in book 2 (SORRY SPOILER ALERT)
3 – Sharing sexy posts does not send the message – I am horny PM me. Not unless you are offering web chat services and soft porn and add a price tag to your PM functions. These sort of posts are very obvious and if you want that I am sure even I could quickly locate and redirect you to them. If you do not know the difference, then please leave all social media immediately and go take a sex ed class on ‘how to interact with the opposite sex’
4 – Any human has a right to express themselves, share content, and be whoever they want to be, on any platform. It is never a justification to sexually harass them and yes, it’s actually illegal in most countries. As is cyber bullying her when you got your NO answer.
This here is what we commonly call VICTIM SHAMING – Oh, but you did this, so you deserved it.
You know that age old – well she was walking down the street minding her own business in a short dress, she clearly wanted every man she passed to shout sexual lewd comments at her.
Pretty sure that no longer sways a judge in a modern court. Oh and 90% of us eye roll and mentally wish you would fall down a sewer drain as we walk by.
We see this every single day of our lives, in many forms. And no matter what excuses you make for it – it’s harassment. It’s not okay, its not warranted EVER and we do not want it. Learn some damn respect.
The reason you are mass pm’ing all these women dear ‘dirty dick’ is because your success rate is NIL – think about that. If you had managed to bag a randy lady then we wouldn’t all be suffering your spew of spam mails and dick pics. Pretty sure you and your kind can be easily picked out in a line up, by thousands of unimpressed women, if you drop your pants.
As people (no matter the gender) we should be reinforcing human’s equal right to not have to deal with this bull. As people we all have an equal right to be who we want to be without fear of inviting the wrong impression.
And dear Facebook, an electro shock response button would really be appreciated in cases like this….preferably activated the second they click their camera for an ‘intimate pic’ to send us.
As Erotica authors they do not lose the right to not want to be sexually harassed because of their craft. Stop making excuses…stop encouraging this kind of crap.
Writing about sex in romance books is not asking to be sexually harassed.
The same men who do this are the same ones who cat call in the street, push up against girls in nightclubs, grope people in crowds….. still carry on when she changes her mind and says No and then shames her into thinking it is her fault.
That reality is all too common.
Yes I am on a mission, yes my books are littered with this kind of bull against women, and I won’t stop crusading against little moronic men on friend’s posts thinking they can mans-plane her and shame her into thinking this was on her own head. Get some control of your hormones. They neuter dogs who behave like you.
Be a better person. Have some decency and humanity. Treat women like people , not meat , not some object to be abused and used.
End of Rant!!! Amen.
Alexx’s post- https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1585960781516594&set=a.387243254721692.1073741825.100003080638635&type=3&theater
4 thoughts on “No will always mean NO – an impromptu rant!”
Bravo, L.T.! Thank you for carrying the messages in your Carrero series throughout non-virtual life – and vice-versa. Bravo for your clear statements and clear stand. Bravo!
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Aww thank you. I was so very angry and did hesitate to write this, but my poor brain couldn’t keep it inside.
Well done you for sharing this and expressing yourself, some would just ignore and hide away from what is clearly in correct. I am glad you addressed it because it should be something that should be changed in view to those men- those men who think its ok to PM that person. I don’t know what goes through their heads. Thank fully I have only had a few disgusting messages that I was unable to respond and block from. I couldn’t imagine if it was a daily issue. I don’t really know why these type of people do it or why they think its acceptable but I do know that the ‘common’ view for them needs changing for good. Thank you for sharing – I am sure its nice for many to not feel alone in this.
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Thanks for commenting hun. I agree. It’s shocking that in this day and age this is considered the norm on social media. to the point its almost a running joke. It’s not funny, it never has been and men with this idea they can put fowl things in women’s private message boxes abhors me. It’s no different to walking up to a women in the street and saying filthy things to her face.
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